“Beauty was not simply something to behold…”

“…; it was something one could do.”

–Toni Morrison

As promised in my last post, I return to my blog with my October reading wrap-up.  I am also currently watching the Eagles vs. Cowboys game (GO EAGLES!), so I already know that this post is going to take me awhile to type up, LOL.

I had a really god reading month, having read 7 books in 4 weeks.  Granted, 5 of them were pretty short, but 3/5 were dense.  Either way, I’m proud of myself, and doubt that November will be as good of a month.  But hey, as long as I keep reading, it’s successful to me.  The picture above contains 5/7 books I read during the month, the other 2 were from the library.

The first book I read this month was The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowling.  I like to compare this book to Aesop’s Fables because the book is simply 5 short stories “told to Wizard children” with Dumbledore’s “notes” after each story, explaining the history and morals behind each story.  I didn’t rate this book, just because it’s a book of short stories like Aesop’s Fables, and I don’t believe these types of books are meant to be rated.  I really did enjoy the stories though.

The next book I read was The Trial by Franz Kafka.  First, can we admire the cover on this beauty?!?!  I love how simple yet ominous it is.  This book is about Josef K., a high ranking bank officer, who is arrested on charges he is not told of.  He is told that he is to lead his normal life, and attend hearings when summoned for his trial.  However, he refuses to simply settle with the fact he is arrested, and throughout the book, he uses the people in his life to get more information about the charges that were brought upon him.

The totalitarian society in which the book takes place is the main driver of the plot, since in such a society one does not need to be told the charges leading to his/her arrest.  The plot brings up a lot of existential meaning as well, and essentially brings about deep meaning throughout the story.  If read shallowly, the story doesn’t hold much merit, and can be taken as dry and boring.  However, the deeper meaning kept me interested throughout.

Without spoiling too much, in the second to last chapter of the book, there is a character that tells a story, and initially I thought this story was absolutely pointless, and hated that Kafka put it in there.  I enjoyed the book prior to this passage a lot, and thought this passage ruined the entire book.  But, I refused to accept the fact that this passage was put in without any regard to the story.  So, I read my next book of the month, and came back to this passage again and got the point of why it was included, and appreciated it.  Overall, I really enjoyed this book, and gave it 4/5.

Next book I read was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.  I told myself that I was going to re-read the whole story prior to reading the 8th book, despite the fact I was told that it really wasn’t necessary for me to do so.  Either way, I wanted to re-read the series again, so I started.  No need to summarize, we all know what this book is about.  Obviously 5/5, childhood classic.

The title of this post is a quote from the Foreward from this absolutely heartbreaking book, The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison.  This book follows Pecola Breedlove, an 11-year old girl from Lorain, Ohio that wishes everyday for blue eyes.  The Breedlove family is known around town for their depressing poverty and familial issues, revolving around the relationship between the husband and wife, Cholly and Pauline.  Pecola is known around town to be an ugly child, and the townspeople never fail to remind her of her ugliness.  In the beginning of the book, we are introduced to Claudia and Frieda MacTeer, who are schoolmates of Pecola.  The MacTeers house Pecola for a short period of time in the beginning because in his drunkenness, Cholly burns the Breedlove’s house down.    Claudia, the younger of two, narrates the majority of the story, as both a child and adult, and brings her spunky personality to the story.

When a book is as heart-breaking as this one, it almost pains me to say how much I loved this book.  The story is one that resonates in communities of color around the world, but this book especially resonates with the Black community even today, with darker complected women being belittled constantly by not just lighter complected black women, but society in general, telling these women they are not beautiful, and not worthy of respect.  I loved the POV that Claudia brought to the story, but even with her spunk and naivete, the sadness of the story shines through.  One would hope for a happy ending in the story, (SPOILER) but it never comes to fruition.  The writing in this book is absolutely dreamy, the detail and word choice Morrison employs paints such a vivid picture, and is almost poetic.  This book was not only my favorite read of the month, but has become one of my favorite books of all-time, and I cannot wait to read Morrison’s other works.  5/5 read, for sure.

*I do not own this image*

 

In true Halloween spirit, I decided to read a horror story.  I have never read a Stephen King book before (don’t judge), so I decided, why not start with The Shining?  I’ve also never seen the movie (again, don’t judge), so I decided that I would watch the movie on Halloween in celebration of one of my favorite holidays.

This book follows the Torrance family in their move to Colorado from New England, in which Jack takes a job as a winter caretaker in The Overlook Hotel.  He and his wife, Wendy, have been experiencing marital issues, and Wendy has been fighting to keep their marriage and family together.  Their son, Danny, has a special ability to read minds and see into the past and future; an ability called “the shining.”  Prior to moving to The Overlook Hotel, Danny gets terrible and scary visions, and although not all of his visions come true, we follow the family as they live their life in this hotel.

This book was an absolute pleasure to read.  I can see why people enjoy Stephen King’s writing so much: he is descriptive and his character development is done thoroughly.  I found the first half of the book slow at times, and the thing that kept my interest were Danny’s visions.  I think King’s best aspect in this book, the character development, was what actually kind of held the book back for me.  However, after the halfway point, the story picks up tremendously, and the character backstory becomes essential to the understanding of the second half.  The second half was absolutely gripping, and it was hard for me to put the book down.  I can’t wait to read more Stephen King books, and I gave this one a 4/5.

*I do not own this image*

I’ve heard a lot of great things about Junot Diaz, and was excited to read my first book by him.  I wanted to get The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, but it was checked out at my library, so I settled for Drown.  This book is a collection of 10 short stories, focusing mainly on Yunior, who moves from Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic to a suburban New Jersey town with his mother and brother.  The majority of the stories outline the path Yunior takes from childhood to his young adult years, and the decisions he has made that lead him to where he is now.

I really, really wanted to LOVE this book, but I couldn’t.  It’s not to say that I didn’t like it, but I just couldn’t appreciate Diaz’s writing as much as I wanted to.  My favorite stories were the two about Ysrael (Ysrael and No Face), the title story, in which Yunior explores his sexuality (Drown), and the story that explains Yunior’s father’s background (Negocios).  I didn’t really like the stories that took place in the US (except Drown), and although I appreciated them, and can see the importance of discussing all of them, they were just kind of bland and didn’t capture my full attention, despite the short length of all the stories.  Despite the fact I didn’t love the book, I definitely appreciate and do believe that everyone should read it, and I gave it a 3/5.

The last book I read this month was Dark Matter by Blake Crouch, a thriller perfect for Fall.  This book follows Jason Dessen, a physics professor at a small college in Chicago.  Jason lives with his wife, Daniela, and son, Charlie, in North Chicago, and lives a happy and comfortable life.  One day, he goes to a bar to congratulate an old friend on receiving a prestigious science award, and on the way back from the bar, he is assaulted and kidnapped.  When he wakes up, his wife and son are gone.  Throughout the book, Jason fights to find out why he was assaulted and where his family went.

This book was such a gripping and thrilling ride.  I’m not a fast reader, and usually a 340 page book will take me a few days to read, but this book was so fast paced and gripping that I read it in 2 days.  Blake Crouch did an amazing job developing the main characters just enough to understand their roles, but not bore the reader to tears.  The science explanations were kind of hard to understand, which I believe is perfect because science, especially physics, is not a very simple thing to understand.  The book did slow down a little in the middle, but not enough for me to put the book down. The end of the book is SO out there and crazy, and I usually am able to predict books, but couldn’t predict this one.  This book is becoming a movie, and I cannot wait to see it.  I gave this book 4.5/5 stars, and highly recommend it.

These are all the books that I read this month, I’m sorry if the post was kind of lengthy.  I may or may not decide to split the books up next month, but we’ll see when I finish a book in November.

If you’ve read any of these books, please let me know what you think of it!  I’d love to hear others’ opinions (especially of Drown, I might have to give that one a re-read).

Happy Halloween!

No More Love

We can’t even kick it no more.

If you don’t know what’s been happening in concern with Colin Kaepernick, you’ve obviously been living under a rock.

So for those of you sub-rock dwellers, here’s the jist: Kaepernick, quarterback of the San Francisco 49ers, chose not to stand during the recitation of the National Anthem during their 3rd preseason game in protest of the oppression that Black Americans still face in this country.  In a subsequent practice, he wore socks depicting the cops as pigs, and in the last 49ers preseason game, he kneeled during the National Anthem.

Now, since many of you don’t know my football stances, here is mine on Colin Kaepernick: I don’t like him.  Simple as that.  Not too fond of him as a person, and definitely not fond of him as a player.  He’s overrated and just not that good.

However, it pains me to say, when he sat for the National Anthem, I supported what he did.  It doesn’t pain me as far as the reason is concerned, it pains me that I support a player that I don’t really like.

When this whole shenanigan happened last week, I asked my family what they thought about Kaepernick’s action.  The verdict: none of them supported it.  Main reason: Because it shows disrespect toward this nation and the troops that fight for it.

So as most things, I was in the minority in familial opinions.

But here’s the thing, when I stand for the National Anthem, I don’t stand in support of the troops.  I stand in support of the country that I live in.  A country where my parents came to in order to provide a better life for my siblings and me.  A country that I am incredibly blessed to live in.  None of these feelings have changed.

However, as with all things we love, there are qualities about this country that I hate.  And the systemic oppression of people of color, especially black people, is disgusting.  Years and years after slavery, the Jim Crow era, Japanese internment, and more, and still the oppression still exists against people of color.  And with all the recent events occurring with the police and black people, it hurts my heart that we still live in a world where we can’t all live as equals.

Which is why I support Kaepernick in sitting when the National Anthem was sung.  Not because I hate this country, but because there are things that need to change immediately.  When people say that not standing for the National Anthem is unpatriotic and shows lack of support for our troops, I take offense.  Despite the fact that I don’t support the war that this country never should have gotten involved in, I 100% support the people that are overseas fighting for this country.  However, when we say that everyone that lives here can enjoy the freedoms that are provided, it’s quite a stretch.  Because the simple fact is that people of color don’t enjoy the same freedom that our white counterparts do. Support of our troops is a patriotic act, and Kaepernick came out and said that he did support the troops.  But he doesn’t support the oppression of black people, and no one should.

For those who support the cause but say it should have been done in a different and more appropriate venue, let’s discuss.  Colin Kaepernick is a football player.  Yes, he may have presence elsewhere, but his biggest presence is on the field.  In order to convey a message to the most people, the most logical place to do so is where he has the most presence: during a game on the field.  There are so many athletes that have spoken out about this oppression, but as much as I hate to say it, I believe that Colin’s actions has been far more effective than any of the other athletes’ actions, and in this I include Michael Jordan’s message (which I have some issues with, but that’s for another time) and the message that began the 2016 ESPYs given by LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Chris Paul, and Carmelo Anthony.

Some of you may be wondering why I decided to wait so long before posting something about this.  There are two reasons:

1. I wanted to hear what Kaep said about his actions and see what he did the next game.
2. I’ve been really busy.  Shameless explanation for lack of posts.

When Kaep and his teammate Eric Reid took a knee when the National Anthem was sung for the last preseason game, I think it was an effective way of showing support for the troops.  As far as conveyance of the primary message, I think it kind of takes away from it. While I see why Kaep took a knee instead of sitting, I think that he should’ve just stuck to his initial plan of action.  He can come out later to confirm his support for the troops, while still conveying the unjust treatment of people of color in this country.

So many critics of the Black Lives Matter movement say that the protests should be peaceful and non-violent, but when they are, as in the case of Colin Kaepernick, there is still backlash.  So to the critics: in this country, we all have the right to free speech and peaceful protest.  Let us speak.

I support what Kaep did.  I support the movement that Kaep fights for.  I do not support his decision to wear those stupid socks.  However, I understand his feelings toward the police.  But to say all police are the same is a huge generalization.  Just as it is for people to say that all black people are hoodlums and thugs (which is hugely wrong and incredibly racist).  I think he made the right decision in where he decided to convey his message. Overall, I think what he did was necessary in an era where people are too afraid to stand up for what they believe in (see Michael Jordan).

I sit with Colin.

Your Position is Pivotal

I’ve never been the greatest judge of character.

I befriend people that are known to be bad people, and when they fuck me over, no one except me is surprised.  But, because I don’t judge very harshly, I befriend anyone I really want to, regardless of the way they look or act.

Now, let me describe to you how I grew up.

Most of my formative years were spent in a suburb 20 minutes outside of Philadelphia.  It was mostly white, but there were a decent few handfuls of black people and a sprinkling of Korean people.  Because of it’s proximity to Northeast Philadelphia, socioeconomically, the area was a mix of affluent people to working class people, which brought about a huge socioeconomic diversity in a town that was not incredibly racially diverse.  But, I ended up feeling comfortable around the likes of these racial groups.  When I moved back to the Bay Area in 2010, I was surrounded by Asians (I include Indians in this group, against my own discretions) and Latinos, groups that I never had substantial experiences with.  But, I grew used to it eventually.   Then, I lived in San Francisco for four years, and was exposed to all types of people.

Moral of the story?  I grew to be pretty comfortable around pretty much every color of people.

Now on to the real story.  Trust me, it all comes together in the end.

Living in the city has introduced me to regularly walking alone.  Whether it be walking to the train, car, store, or anywhere really, I’ve grown accustomed to the lone stroll.

And, because I’m used to people of all colors and am a terrible judge of character, I never care to cross the street when people are approaching me.

And there are plenty of times when I should’ve crossed the street, because as a woman, I’ve been followed by my fair share of questionable men.  Most of the time, they would stop following me after a block, but some would keep following me until I got to the train or any other destination.

These incidents open another can of worms about sexism and equality for women, but I’m not going to talk about that today, it’s not the point of the post.

The point is, in spite of these experiences, I would never cross the street.

I don’t cross the street for anyone.  I would say I don’t cross against better judgement, but let’s not forget my lack of judgement.

In May, I moved out of the clamorous city and into the too tranquil lands of suburbia.

On the days I don’t feel like going to the gym, which has been the case lately, I’ll go on a 3 mile nighttime walk.  I don’t usually encounter a lot of people, but when I do, I don’t think anything of it.

However, on two of my past walks, I encountered a scenario I have never been victim to.  A person approaching me crossed the street.

Mind you, I live in a predominately Latino community, and as a brown person, I blend in with everybody.  And just look at me.  Even with my serious RBF, I am not an incredibly intimidating person.

What do I wear, you ask?  Usually a colored hoodie or crewneck and running shorts.  It’s nighttime, I want to be seen by cars.

And two times in consecutive days, I’ve had people cross the street on me.  The first instance was an older teenage boy who was definitely not white.  The second was a white couple, stereotypical blonde hair and the whole she-bang.

I have never had people cross the street on me.  I have never experienced that kind of racism before.  I felt humiliated and mortified that people would even think that I would hurt or endanger them.  And almost immediately, my feelings changed to hatred and anger.  Why would anyone remotely label ME as a threat to their safety?  ME?!?! I am not a violent person, and I would never, ever think to hurt anyone (unless the situation called for someone to get knocked the fuck out).

But ignorant people see me in my mocha colored skin, big and curly hair, hoodie, and running shorts and think of me as a threat to their lives.

Don’t get me wrong, as a brown POC I’ve experienced racism in other venues, especially the “random” bag checks and pat downs at the airport.  But I have never had someone cross the street on me.  Ever.

But let’s be real, this doesn’t happen often to lighter complected brown people as often as it happens to darker complected people.  We’re talking the black people, especially men, who are dressed in their hoodies, T-shirts, and jeans.

If I felt humiliated and angered by the couple times it has happened, to me, I can’t even imagine how black people feel when it happens to them, disproportionately more often than anyone else.

I wonder what goes through the other person’s head when they think to cross the street. What do they see in people when they deem them as dangerous?  It it the color of their skin?  Is it the way they are dressed?  It it the way that they walk?  Or is it a combination of all three?

I guess I’ll never really know, since I suck at judging people.

I wonder how black people feel, or really any other POC that has had this happen to them. Do they feel the same way I did, or do they accept the fact that it just is simply that way, like my experiences at the airport?  When I am stopped at the airport, despite the fact I’m being searched extra because of the color of my skin, I’ve come to begrudgingly accept the fact that this is going to happen.

Plus, I’m not trying to draw any extra attention at the airport than I already am.

I guess I’d rather see these racist peoples’ faces than let them hide behind a mask like the people of the KKK, but it hurts to see the blatant disrespect toward a person just because of the amount of melanin in their skin.

It hurts.

 

Candles in the Sun

Is there a God?  Is He watching?  Is She watching?  Are They watching now? 

Alton Sterling and Philando Castile are two more names to add to the ever-growing list of black men murdered by unjust police brutality.

Alton Sterling, father of four children, was shot six times in the back and chest after being effectively pinned down on the ground by two policemen.  Video footage shows Sterling uncooperative toward the police after being told to get down and being tased.  Early reports had said that Sterling was armed, however subsequent reports have stated that he was indeed unarmed.  After failed attempts at reasoning with Sterling to get down-who reportedly kept asking, “What did I do?”- the police used force and brought him down violently to the ground.  While pinned to the ground, Sterling was not resisting, and would not have been able to reach for any type of weapon had he been armed.  Once of the officers yelled, “Gun, gun!” and subsequently, Sterling was shot six times.  After the shooting, the officer could be heard panting, “Fuck, fuck.”  Upon arrival of the paramedics, Alton Sterling was pronounced dead.

In St. Anthony, Minnesota, Philando Castile was pulled over for a broken taillight.  When asked for his license (mind you, his girlfriend, Diamond, was driving), Castile informed the cop that he had a pistol and was licensed to carry.  The police officer told Castile to put his hands up upon learning this, and when Castile was pulling his hands out of his pockets to put his hands up, the officer shot Castile four to five times in his arm and side, killing him.  Castile’s girlfriend filmed the events that took place post shooting, and the cop could be heard saying, “I told him to put his hands up!”  Diamond replies to him, saying something along the lines of, “You told him to get his ID, he told you he had a gun and a license to carry, and he was putting his hands up when you shot him.”  Bear in mind, Diamond’s four year old daughter was also in the car at the time of the incident.

These stories are heard all too often: black men being detained violently and end up being shot and killed.  The argument is heard all too often that if these men just listened to the police, they wouldn’t have been shot.

Philando Castile was following the orders of the officer and still managed to get shot.

I’m sure that there are plenty of other black males who also followed police commands and still have been victim to the lead.  But even if the suspect isn’t following commands, there are other ways to forcefully detain a person without using a gun.  And even if gun usage is warranted, why can’t the police shoot to injure?

I have been told by a nurse at my old job that when a cop uses their gun, they must shoot to kill.  Why is that a thing?  I understand that in some cases, extra force is needed to detain a person, but why do we need to shoot to kill?  All of these instances on video where these men have been shot, none have warranted the use of guns.

Which calls into question the training of these cops.

The officer that shot 16 rounds into Laquan MacDonald’s body was on the scene for six seconds prior to shooting.  Another cop had said that the situation didn’t warrant the usage of a gun, taking into account that MacDonald had a knife.

Why do these cops not know how to properly detain a person?

Why is so much violence needed to stop a black man, but a white man is reasoned with rationally and not shot at?  This incessant racism against the black man needs to stop.  Black men are not inherently more violent or dangerous, but they are treated as such.  When will the obvious heightened brutality to this oppressed group of people stop?

But, another question arises in my mind: Will the coverage of these heinous crimes (thanks, Law and Order: SVU) halt when there is no longer a black man in office?

Many attribute the rise in coverage of police brutality against black men to the fact that Barack Obama is in office.  And I thank him for that.  Thank you for bringing to light a social injustice that has been present for years.  Thank you for pushing for change, despite speaking upon the deaf ears of the Republican ruled House and Senate.  When Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump (God forbid) become President, will the woes of this oppressed group of people be silenced again?

I fear for the lives of these people, I fear that the progression that may have been made in bringing these injustices to the forefront will be reverted to the old days.  After all, Donald Trump is promising to “Make America Great Again.”

We as a society, especially my fellow people of color, need to band together to keep this topic alive, to fight against the unfair injustices against the black man in these police brutality instances.  We need to vote for the right people, vote to get legislation passed to protect us as people of color, especially black people.  We need the cops to pay for the mistakes they make.  We need to join together, and protest to make a change.

Black Lives Matter.